Age, Respect, and Games...

I am not a happy little jackalope today.

Now, normally I'd do a video blog but, quite frankly I'm afraid my tone would be far too harsh if I were speaking. I'm so unhappy at the moment that free writing is probably the better outlet right now. Why am I so unhappy you ask?

All in all, it probably seems petty. Hell, who am I kidding? It IS petty. That doesn't make it any less annoying. If you've known me for any length of time you know that I'm creative. I am constantly expressing that creativity in different forms. Sometimes it's through this blog, sometimes it's a song I've written, or I'll hop into the Uncharted Wind universe and be Michelle for awhile, or I'll jump into the DCU and borrow their characters. Sometimes even playing WoW is a form of creative expression or singing. I have all kinds of ways to get the creative out, which has to be done because when it builds up I go crazy. And typically at any given moment I have my favorite outlet. It used to be Uncharted Wind. Before that it was singing. At the moment my chosen outlet is RPing. If you follow my tweets you have noticed I've been RPing a lot.

For those of you that aren't geeky enough to know what RPing is, it means Role Playing and it can be done in a number of different ways. This RP that I speak of is done via LiveJournal. Basically it's like...an on going story you write with different people. You have your set characters and you interact with theirs via posting on the journal. I can't really simplify it any more than that.

Anyway, the point is this, RPing takes a special kind of skill, patience, and the ability to go with the flow. Unlike writing your own fan fiction, you don't have complete control. That's the point. Are there things in the RP that haven't gone my way? Hell yes. The one thing I wanted to happen hasn't. And I will say, I was a bit more irked about it at first than I would like to admit. There is a certain emotional investment in your characters. That being said, I quickly came to accept it's just a game and I re-evaluated what direction to take my character. That would be the whole going with the flow thing.

The hitch is this...not everyone in the game is going with the flow. Not everyone in the game can write dynamic, likeable characters. Hell, not everyone can write in more than one writing style. When you play multiple characters they should be identifiably different. For example, I play three characters in the RP. Kara Kent, Stephanie Brown, and Bruce Wayne. No one can accuse me of playing them all the same. I'll focus in on Kara and Steph here since they were my first two characters and because they would be really easy to play the same. They are both young, blonde, heroines around the same age. It would be so very easy to throw in a default persona for them and be done with it. But I haven't. I play Kara as very much a heart on her sleeve girl that is much stronger in body than mind, but she is developing and finding herself, becoming stronger all the time. I play Stephanie as a tough girl who has had to fight for everything her whole life and is just now getting to a point where she realizes life doesn't have to be a constant fight. Of course I'm over simplifying it, but you get the idea. Two characters that are very similar on the surface, but are identifiably different in practice.

Now, gaming with people that don't get this concept is a struggle in and of itself, but what comes as a bigger struggle is when the said player isn't willing to listen to criticism and/or doesn't want to play nice.

And this, dear reader, is the point my long winded blog is getting to. I'm 27. I plan to be a teacher someday. I will hopefully be teaching 2nd graders and at that age sometimes you still have to work on the basics like learning to play nice with others, sharing your toys, and working together for a common goal. And if I was playing with a bunch of 9 year olds I would understand the importance of these lessons and being patient while teaching them. However, I am not playing with a bunch of 9 year olds. I'm playing with a bunch of grown ass women and men. I should not be having to try to teach an adult to play nice with others. It's frustrating to no end! Am I pissed? Yes. Is it directly about the game? Not really. It's about the fact that I am having to treat adults like I would my future 2nd graders. And worst of all, one of these said adults is someone I deeply care about and would like to have in my life in the future...I should not be having to make this person act like an adult! We're 27 for fucks sake!

And you're probably sitting there laughing saying 'but Cilla, time out. You're playing a game...isn't that childish in and of itself?'. Perhaps. But just because you're playing a game with, yes, comic characters doesn't mean you can't be mature, reasonable, and adult. Act your age when it comes to how you react and treat others. That's all I'm saying. I don't think it's too much to ask really.

Anyway, I have made my point the best I can and I've vented to my little heart's desire. I'm still pissy, but at least I've organized my reasons into concise points, and that is enough to help me feel a little bit better.

Until next time my dear readers, take care...and please, act your age.

Keep the Faith,
Cilla

Video Blog: Shifty Eyes...

Yesterday's Blog was more of a PSA. This one, more about what is going on with me. Also a big thank you to the viewers. I know y'all are out there. Why didn't y'all tell me about the 'shifty eyes'? LOL!!! Oh, I also rant a little about Charlie Sheen. Chuck was right, he's not tragic at all. Anyway, on to the video!

Video Blog: If Tomorrow Never Comes...

Remember that old Garth Brooks song, 'If Tomorrow Never Comes'? Well this video is along those lines. I've had a lot on my mind about mortality lately and I wanted to share. I also came across the blog of this wonderful young woman named Kayla Taylor. I talk about her message of not texting while driving. To read her story in her words check out her blog: http://kaylataylorofficial.wordpress.com/

And while you're thinking about safety in driving remember, don't drink and drive. Please. Please. Please.

Now on to the video:

Long Distance Love...

So it's been awhile since I posted a written blog. I've been really fond of videos lately...and still am, but my ear is hurting quite a bit today and I am trying to get a flow of thought going so I can finish my English paper...yeah, it's due in less than six hours and I'm exactly one paragraph in.

Anyway, I have decided that long distance relationships suck. I love my boyfriend very much but we can't do things a 'normal' couple can do. We can't talk on the phone for hours or catch a movie on Friday nights or meet up after work for dinner or spend a quiet Saturday cuddled on the couch watching Netflix...you get the idea. These are all things I want.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have waited for 27 years to find a guy as wonderful as Jan and I wouldn't give him up for everything in the world. If I have to deal with the distance to have him I will, it just is incredibly sucky.

It is really hard to know there is this wonderful guy out there and to want to hold him and be held by him and not be able to.

I'm determined to get him here for a visit in November. I think he shares this determination. I keep looking toward November for solace but it seems like a lifetime away. Especially when I'm sick and the days tick by slowly as it is.

I know it seems like I'm complaining. I'm not...not really. I feel blessed to have Jan in my life. I know the kinds of guys that are out there all too well and to have found someone like him that wants me in return is more than I could have hoped for. It is hard, but worth it. I guess I'm just really venting right now. I'm not so much complaining as I am frustrated at the situation.

I really hope things with Jan last. I feel like we could be happy. I hope someday we are able to bridge this distance with more than a visit and do 'normal' couple things. It's this hope that I hang on to when I'm still alone at night thinking of him.

On that note I'm off to find other ways to put off my English paper. Thanks for reading and take care y'all.

~Cilla

Video Blog: The Future Has Been Foretold

I have identified a new issue I'm working through and I also found additional confirmation about my so-called destiny. I discuss both of these topics in the video below:

Video Blog: What if I Poison Him?

Ever hear the song "Don't Let Me Down" by Nina Gordon? There a line in it that goes "Someone new is coming in/Oh God it's so sweet when it begins/But I'm so bitter/What if I poison him?" This line is what sparked a train of thought that lead to 1/2 this Vlog. The rest is about my 'religion' which I don't typically talk about. This was an exception.

Video Blog: 3 vlogs for the price of 1...

I was feeling chatty today, inspite of feeling like crap, so I did two vlogs (to keep them at a reasonable length. The third one is a blast from the past. This videos do go in order, watch the 1st one 1st, etc.

Video 1 is where I talk about why I am so opposed to drinking and driving. With SXSW this weekend in Downtown Austin it's a great time to remember safety.





Video 2 is much more personal. Here I discuss why you should never give up on love.





Video 3 is a vlog I did 2 years ago. Watch video 2 and it will make sense why this is here.