I Am Me

So judging by the reactions I’ve gotten from various people lately I think it’s safe to say I’m a giant walking contradiction. Some people have said I always seem sad and upset while yet others have called me, and I quote, “a shining ray of light”. This is all very funny to me because I think of myself as a mostly cheerful person. OK, I’m human. I have my down moments. Yes I get depressed and sad and mopey…and maybe I have a really bad habit of only posting online when I’m in one of my sad/bad moods. Day to day though I really am closer to that ‘shining ray of light’…or at least I try to be. I really do feel life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I try hard to let most things roll off my back and not let them affect me…again though, I’m human and I have my moments when I just can’t help it, things get to me.

Now this may not be the best time to drone on about how happy go lucky I am considering I’m sitting in my bed right now with a stomach ache, but I’ve been meaning to write this post for like a week now and other stuff just keeps coming up. Mostly I’ve been trying to plow through my writer’s block. I’m about ready to kill Batman off in my fic just for lack of any other interesting ideas. Writer’s block is evil.

Oh, and for those that listened to our Father’s Day podcast, Chuck and I did in fact go home for the weekend. It was amazing to be in the Valley again and see the familiar sights, but it always is. There’s some places I usually go see that I didn’t feel the need to drive past this time, which is huge personal growth on my part and proof I’m letting the past go…even if I do still love the familiarity of the Valley as a whole. Aside from Chuck being his typical asshole self sometimes it was a pretty amazing weekend. (And yes, it’s ok if he reads this…I call him on his bullshit in person too, not just on the blog). Most importantly our dad had a great weekend which is what it was all about anyway…even if I did have to bite my tongue more than once with my dear brother to avoid a squabble.

One after effect of the weekend is exhaustion. I had to sleep on the floor, which I totally didn’t mind, but I didn’t sleep well either and I’m still trying to catch up on sleep. Exhaustion leads to some fucking weird dreams for the record. I’ve dreamt about everything from loosing teeth to a past love. It’s insane. As much as I love dreaming I’ll be glad when I’m rested and I have normal dreams again (well, normal for me…my dreams are always a little wonky). In fact I’m actually about to close my eyes here in a minute and see if sleep follows. I know it’s not even 4:30 yet but I am THAT tired.

Finally, if you’re up north and you’re complaining about your hot summers…shut the hell up. Come to Texas for a summer then talk to me. It’s fucking hot here…now I like summer much more than winter mind you…but it’s still fucking hot.

I think I lost my original point of this post…oh right…I’m a happy cheerful person in person…honestly. :)

KTF,
Cilla