I’m Hot?!?!?!?!

Ok this is gonna be a hard one to write without coming off sounding conceited. Actually that's the opposite of reality. I'm not conceited at all. I'm actually shocked that…whoa, wait, back up. I'm ahead of myself. Sorry. I do that sometimes. Let me start at the beginning here.

So in spite of my better judgment a very close friend of mine talked me into retrying OKCupid. Now, for those that don't know, OKCupid is a dating social networking site…think MySpace for singles. I had a profile there from awhile back that I had deactivated because it just wasn't for me. Well, as I said, my friend talked me into giving it another go. I am actually finding the whole experience interesting…but not all the reasons are what you'd expect.

First thing I noticed is that it was actually possible to lower my opinion of the male species as a whole. Now I don't want any guys reading this to take that personally because it's just a broad stereotype that I've noticed several, but not all, men fall into. It started when this really uber hot guy pretty much asked me for a booty call (to which I kindly replied "You're hot and all but I'm not into the whole hooking up thing"). I thought that was as low as my opinion could get but the more male profiles I see where the men have posted a picture of their abs as opposed to a picture of their faces the more my opinion sinks. It's truly sad.

The other thing I noticed was that my profile gets a shit ton of hits. I get a lot of messages about how beautiful I am. Now, granted, none of these messages are coming from anyone I think I'd be even remotely interested in (a couple of the guys seem like one straw away from being on the six o' clock news "more on the Austin rapist after this".) That isn't really the point. The point is guys (and some girls) actually seem to find me attractive…more than mildly so…like beautiful. I'm like "WTFOMGBBQ". I never considered myself to be 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous'. Mildly cute perhaps…I mean I never thought I was gross, but, average perhaps. I knew I was a good person and I have the whole 'inner beauty' thing down…but outer beauty? Me? No way. However, people actually seem to think I'm hot! Like for real. I'm actually starting to believe this myself. I will say it's been a massive ego boost and inspired me to get back to my daily health routine. If I really am hot I need the confidence and attitude to back it up and I'm most confident when I'm living healthy.

Like I said, I don't mean to sound conceited. That isn't the point of this at all. My point here I guess is to, hopefully boost other's self confidence too. I think we're all harder on ourselves than others are. It's hard to look in the mirror and see someone attractive staring back. I think our natural reaction is to notice our flaws and all the things wrong with us. It's ridiculous…really. I know it's really hard but listen to what other say and when you look in the mirror try to step outside yourself for just a second and try to see yourself in a third party view. Yeah, no one looks perfect (except maybe Adam Tuominen, Jon Bon Jovi, and Stephanie Gatschet) but look past your flaws and see the beautiful person you are.

I may never find love on OKCupid…in fact I rather doubt I will…but I will say that it's done wonders for my self esteem and given me the power to look back and say 'wow, those people that turned me down really did miss out, I'm awesome!'. At the end of the day everyone needs to be able to realize and revel in their own awesomeness…because you are awesome and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

As for that other thing…my loss in hope for the male species…I don't really know what to say. I'm still looking for that guy that isn't a) a psycho stalker/rapist/killer in the making, b) conceited and horny, or c) just a complete douche that isn't worth the time of day anyway. I suppose I still hold hope that somewhere such a man exists, but I hold much more hope of finding a princess than a prince at the moment. I suppose we'll see how it goes. Until next time…

Keep the Faith,
Cilla