The Awesome Blog!

Ok, so this shouldn't be long. I just wrote some uber long comic reviews for my LiveJournal so I think I'm tired. I mainly wanted to remind everyone to run over to JackalopesofFire.com and check out this week's cast. Great stuff as always.

So, my long weekend if off to a great start. I had a GREAT day today. New comics, new clothes (that fit me right and in a smaller size, go WiiFit!), and new jewelry. I love spending time with my mommy. She's the best. :)

One of the shirts I got today is the really sexy off the shoulder shirt that is so unlike what I'd typically wear but it's so cute and it actually fit me. If I keep going the way I'm going I'll be able to fit in the other sexy clothes again soon. Look out guys and gals of Austin...I'm coming soon.

LOL, it's so good being me right now. My confidence is just way up there and life is generally good...not perfect, just good...which is actually better than perfect. Perfect never lasts. Perfect always falls apart sooner rather than later. Good can last for awhile before it goes south...and yes it will go south...that's just the nature of life...ups and downs and all. Right now it's good though and I'm going to enjoy it because I've earned it. I've earned my current happiness. It's my happiness to bask in.

For the first time in...well maybe ever I feel like a 'normal' girl. Well, as normal as a comic book geek, somewhat naive, and somewhat issue ridden girl can be. LOL, I guess I'm just so comfortable in my own skin right now that I just don't feel like a freak, which is a nice change of pace for me. I'm awesome!

So, I could continue to ramble on about my complete awesomeness for awhile, but I have a story I'd like to work on befor bed so I'm gonna say adios for now. Take care you awesome people you!

KTF,
Cilla

I learned something today...

Ok, this isn't going to be a South Park style blog, but I seriously did learn something today, even if it had no real impact on anyone but me.

So I was in the car with my parents on the way to dinner tonight and "More than a Feeling" by Boston came on. It's one of a handful of song that remind of...my former love. You know him, I've written about him before. I wrote about how I'm over him and I don't love him anymore. You remember? Yeah, that guy. Anyway, I have been actually thinking about him a lot this past week and I think that's because it's a three day weekend. There was a time that I would have been going to spend my holiday with him. So yeah, he's been on my mind. I have a lot of memories with him and they've all kinda been circulating in my head on repeat. I was starting to worry maybe I wasn't as over him as I thought.

Anyway, back to tonight...the song. I was listening to that song thinking about the first time I saw him play it on Guitar Hero. It was when I went to see him for comfort after a falling out I had with a couple of my friends. I was upset and in a bad place so I went to him, as I was prone to do at that time in my life. It was actually just over three years ago that that weekend happened. Yeah, it's sad I know that. Not the point. We can address how pathetic I am later. Anyway, it was a great weekend. He really did make everything all better. At least for the weekend. He had this way of holding me or touching me and just instantly making my problems go away. I miss that. But you see, that's what I learned today...all week I've kinda been concerned I wasn't realy over him because I've been thinking about all this stuff. The truth is, that's all it is, memories. I don't miss HIM as much as I miss the feelings...I miss what was...I miss being in love...I miss having someone that I could run to and could fix everything with a touch. It's not him, it's what his memory represents to me.

Which gets back to what I learned today...it is possible to think about the past and long for what was while being over someone. Which I also realized I am because the thought of going back to that now kinda makes me queasy. It's not where I want to be now. It was what I needed at the time and I will always be in love with those memories...but that's all they are...memories.

You know, I think I'm growing as a person. I've notice lately I have a confidence I never had before. If you listen to the Podcast I think you can hear it. I know I do. I have more of a presence now, and not just on the Cast but in my day to day life. I'm more self assured and I love it. I think it comes from being my own person and not constantly trying to change myself to become what I think someone else wants me to be. And girls, let me tell ya, that is not the way to get a guy. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but it will end horribly. Trust me, I know. You have to be who you are...and honestly, life is much more fun that way anyway!

And if any of that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. I may not be completely cohearant right now.I'm exhausted. It is not good for Cilla to take on too many projects at once. Contrary to my best wishes I'm not Supergirl. I've completely overloaded myself at work but also in my creative work. I have the podcast, two website, one of which has two completely different sections. I have like 5 story projects I'm working on, and I'm trying to drum up viewership to my LiveJournal (twistedangl11.livejournal.com). So mny projects so little time. I'm a very sleepy Cilla right now, which is my some of my post may not make 100% sense.

Anyway, that's it for now. I do want to remind everyone to tune in tomorrow to www.jackalopesoffire.com as there will in fact be an all new episode of the podcast. You won't want to miss it. We lay out the offical cancellations of 2010. Was your favorite show cancelled? Tune in and find out!

Finally, RIP Gary Coleman. So sad when one is taken before their time. He will forever live through Avenue Q.

KTF,
Cilla

2012: Y2K Part 2 or The End?

Ok so this post really has nothing to do with that subject but I had a dream I was writing a blog with that title last night so I figured I’d throw it in for my own amusement. Granted in the dream it was 12/12/12 and there were just days before 12/21/12, which is this supposed end of the world. I prefer not to think too much about it. The thought of the world ending scares me. Chuck has a theory that, while yes the Mayan calendar is ending, it doesn’t mean the end of the world. It simply means ‘all the Mayans that are left will have to run to Target and get a new calendar’. Guess Wal-Mart doesn’t carry specialty items like million year long calendars. Anyway, I prefer to go with Chuck’s theory and not pay any attention to the end of the world stuff. Well look at that, I just made the subject line fit after all.

Now then, moving right along…

I admit it, I watched the finale of “Celebrity Apprentice”. Yes I still hate reality TV but Bret Michaels was a finalist and I love me my Bret. And with everything that’s happened to the poor guy the last couple of months I was surprised he was showing up for the live show at all. I’d stop right now if you don’t want to know who won.

I warned you…

So I was quite happy Bret won…ok, I squeed. A lot. Yeah, I did. Bret really is an amazingly creative man and I think a good hearted man as well. We don’t see this much because his other reality show, Rock of Love, didn’t put him in the best light. (Can you saw womanizer?) For the record Bret has a girlfriend. He’s still with Kristi Gibson, the mother of his two daughters. Even if they were ‘taking a break’ during the RoL days, and I’m not convinced they were, the RoL winner never stood a chance. He and Kristi are in it for the long haul. Reality TV is a joke, what do ya want?

So today I’m in an uncharacteristically crummy mood. No real reason that I can pin point…I’m just not my normal bubbly self. And goddess help me, I’m faking it the best I can. I’ve been nice to every single customer I’ve spoke with today, which is not how I was feeling at all. OK, so I might have mildly snapped at my supervisor, and that wasn’t smart, but considering how I’m feeling today it could have been much worse. I know, I know…I’m the sibling that’s supposed to be in control and let things slide off my back. I am that way for the most part but I have bad days too and this is one of them. No real reason, other than I seriously need a vacation. Let’s hear it for 3 day weekends. Hooray!

And finally, I want to offer up a quick internet lesson for all of you computer illiterates out there (although if you’re reading a blog from a Podcast page how illiterate can you be???)

1) Google, Yahoo!, and Bing are NOT browsers, these are SEARCH ENGINES. (Yes, yes, I know, Google Chrome is, not what I’m talking about). Internet Explorer, Firefox, Safari, and Chrome ARE browsers.
2) A web browser (or just browser) is how you access the internet.
3) YOU CAN enter a URL at the top of the browser page and get to a website without a search engine. In fact it’s actually time saving to do so.
4) The little box at the top of the browser where you enter the URL is called an ADDRESS BAR!
5) A URL is a web address! (Example: http://www.unchartedwind.com)

People rely too much on Google to get to website they know the address to and it drives me insane.

Oh, one more thing…go check out my new LiveJournal, read my short stories, and leave me comments! Find it at http://twistedangl11.livejournal.com. Please? I’ll give you peanuts…

KTF,
Cilla

Friendship...

So, before I get into anything else I want to take a moment to do a little self promotion. As I mentioned before I launched a new section of Uncharted Wind called 'Justice'. It's a series of fanfiction based in the DC Universe...or at least my take on it. Along with that I've created a LiveJournal. It's basically to show case my thoughts on both my stories and the happenings in the canon DCU. I've also posted little snipplets and ficlets I've written so check it out at http://twistedangl11.livejournal.com.

Now then, to today's topic...

Recently I had a falling out with someone I considered to be my BFF. This falling out happened...well it depends who you ask. From my perspective it was becoming increasingly clear that this friend, who I'll refer to as Em for the sake of privacy, was in need of help. Em was becoming more and more emotionally unstable and it was affecting various aspects of her life. Em didn't see it this way though...she saw the world as the issue, not herself. Now, I empathize with this because less than 3 short years ago I was in the same place. I know what it's like to be lost and need help. I know what it's like to feel like you're in the dark place there is no return from and that things will never get better. I've never made a secret about the trials I've gone through and the path to wellness I've taken.

I tried my best to empathize with Em and advise her on how to get the help she needs. Now, this is the most important part, you can't force someone to get help they don't want. I know this better than anyone but I had a lot of mutual aquantances telling me 'she needs help and you're her friend, you need to get her help'. Unfortuantly it doesn't work that way. I did everything I could do to convince her to seek help. I tried to lead by example, I tried to use my own experience to get her to see she wasn't alone, I did everything I could think of to get her the help she so desperaately needed.

In the end I guess I did push too hard. Maybe I wasn't as good of a friend as I should have been. It's hard for me to stand back and see someone in need of help and unable to do anything. And, truth be told, it's not easy to be around someone who is that far gone. The emotional rollercoaster and dramatics eventually becomes a lot to take and when you're around someone going through it you can't help but get pulled in to it. It makes me understand why so many people distanced themselves from me when I was going through my ordeal. Anyway, the point is that Em and I parted ways. Looking back I'm not exactly sure who ended it or if it was mutual. I do know that she said some very hurtful things at the end. She even accused me of only telling her she was taking an issue at work too far because it was making me look bad and I wanted a promotion.

For the record, yes, I want a promotion. I have never denied that. That being said I would also never but any job above the well being of a friend. Ever. It was hurtful and I think that was the intent...which hurt even more.

To be honest I don't know how Em is doing now. We haven't spoken since the fall out and she hasn't been at work. I can only pray she is getting the help she needs. And if she does someday need me I'll be there for her, but until that happens, or if it never does, sometimes the best thing to do it walk away.

I tell this story for that reason. If you know someone that needs help don't be afraid to speak up...sometimes being a good friend means saying those things that no one else will. Sometimes it will cost you your friend, but in the end you're doing a greater disservice by enabling their behavior. Sometimes it takes the harsh words to make a person stop and think. But also learn from my story that you can't force them to get help, you can only advise it. How they choose to move forward is up to them. And sometimes parting ways really is the best thing for all parties involved.

As the saying goes, "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."

I'm still here!!!!

I know I haven't written here in awhile. Honestly I've been too busy. With real life stuff and online projects I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I recently launched a new section to Unchartedwind.com. You can find it at unchartedwind.com/Justice. Awesome new stories and I couldn't be prouder of it. And as you probably have noticed by now the Podcast is back! JOF Lives! Chuck is back and we have a great thing going. We're still in a 'reorganizing period' so not everything is 100% the way we want it but we're getting there and I'm happy with the direction.

Anyway, I know these post are typical somewhat insightful and meaningful but my thoughts are so caught up in comic books right now about the only insightful thing I have to talk about is a character analysis of Jason Todd (which is absolutely fascinating and if you don't know who I'm taking about google it now). I will say getting locked out of one's house sucks monkey balls but it's good to have a brother that lives in the same town for such situations and I'm pretty lucky in that respect. Anyway, I'll have a real update for this space within the next week so stay tuned. I'm not going anywhere, just got a bit distracted...as we all know I'm so apt to so. The 'ohh shiny' syndrome runs in my family.

KTF,
Cilla