2013 Resolutions!

New Years is on the way! You know what that means...a new set of resolutions!

First let's recount last years!

~ Year 5, get in shape….specifically get to the size I was when I came to Austin.
Ok, this didn't happen but that is ok. I have a doctor now willing to help me and I have no doubt I will achieve this yet. I won't call this a fail because I learned to accept me for me and that is more valuable. I think I needed to come to terms with myself before I focused on the shallow.

~ Get my own place (with a roommate).
This didn't happen but mostly because I decided I didn't want it to. I'm happy here. I don't know anyone I wanna room with anyway. This isn't a fail, just a goal that changed.

~ Continue to live life my way, on my terms.
I'd call this a mostly success. This year I really feel like I settled into my own skin and realized what matters.

~ Do my very best at work and remain grateful every day for my awesome job.
My job changed twice this year but I still did my best no matter what job and I am blessed to still be in childcare. Massive success.

~ Max out my character’s levels on WoW and DCUO
Nope. I don't think I went up even one level this year. MMOs just didn't rank in importance.

~ Pay off most of my credit card debt (first and foremost all of the money I borrowed from Mom’s CC)
Yeah, mom got paid off...sorta. I don't owe her money anymore. I have my own debt now, which is an improvement.

Now, for the 2013 resolutions:

~Get in shape before 2013 Comic Con. I dunno what I wanna cosplay yet, but I know I don't want my weight to dictate it again.

~Chip into my own debt

~Focus on my health, mental and physical, and better myself

~Do all I can to continue to make JoF the bigger and bigger

That's it...that's really all I got for this year! Not a lot I feel a need to resolute to do.

If the world ends...

I mentioned on the podcast I don't actually logically believe in the end of the world happening tomorrow...but if I'm wrong there's some things I wanna say.

First I want to thank you. Yes you reading this. You that listens to my podcast, read my blogs, and watch my vidcasts and vlogs. You guys give me joys, laughter, and allow me to share my thoughts and give me a reason to do what I love. So to you and everyone you shared any of my media with, thank you.

Next, I want to say how very much I love my family. I have the best mother in the world. No mother has ever possibly loved so strongly and sacrificed so selflessly as mine. My mother is my real life heroine and has given me everything a girl could ever want...not just money wise, but with love and lessons about what truly matters. My dad is a truly amazing man. I'm in no way his blood but no less his daughter. He cared for me and loved me as his own. He is truly amazing. I also have a great brother that I am lucky enough to call my friend. He is one of my closest friends and I'm so blessed. Finally, my amazing grandmother that has got to be the coolest grandmother in the entire world. She's so much more than just a grandma, she's my friend.

Then, my friends...Nicole, Jill, Shannon, Amber, Nika, and anyone else I forgot to name. I have great friends who have enriched my life in different ways. I really don't know what else to say...my friends are as important to me as my family. I love you guys.

Finally, if the world does end know that I will be spending my last day doing what I love...caring for my babies at work. They are the joy of my life. I love my kids.Whenever the world does end I'll go knowing I spent my life doing everything possible to better the lives of as many kids as possible and that's all that truly matters.

PS: Stephanie Brown is Batgirl...must be said at least once more.

"Batman & Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Night" Review

This book was brought to my attention earlier this year at comic con. I went to a panel for Dean Cain (of Superman fame) and it was moderated by Dr. Travis Langley. As we waited for Dean to arrive he discussed a little about the psychology of Batman as well as Superman (as this was a Dean Cain panel after all). He also mentioned he was hosting a panel on the topic of Batman and psychology later that day.

As a writer and role player I'm always trying to get inside a character's head. Hell, I have written Kara Kent and Stephanie Brown so much sometimes I don't know where they end and I begin. But Bruce...he is one of my character I really have to think to play properly. What better way than to listen to a real expert decode him for me?

So I went to said panel and was impressed with Dr. Langlet for a myriad of reasons. 1) He was legit...as a doctor but more importantly as a comic fan. 2) He accepts Stephanie as a Robin and doesn't discount her importance as a member of the Bat Family. 3) There was little mention of Barbara. It was nice to see Steph and Dick discussed in relation to Bruce without having Barbara crammed down my throat in the process!

The panel was very informative and interesting, but left me wanting more, which I guess is the idea when trying to sell a book.

I wavered about buying Dr. Langley's book for a couple of weeks. Mostly because, as I've said many times before, I'm a writer, not a reader. Although, that said, I do try to read at least one book per year and to my recollection I haven't met that goal this year. I finally got on Amazon and read the free sample. I couldn't put it down! I bought the Kindle version straight away and when I realized I didn't like reading that way I shelled out more money for a second copy in paper back (which is so getting autographed someday). I'm glad I did. It was well worth the read (and this coming from me!)

Beyond this point I will be discussing the book so if you don't want "spoilers" then read no further (although I'm sure sure spoilers exist in this type of book).

There is an introduction by comic writer Dennis O' Neil. Remind me not to ever read a book by him. His constant reminding that Batman isn't real felt as if he was talking down to the reader. I believe if you have picked up a book on the psychology of Batman and are intelligent enough to understand it then you're well aware that the Dark Knight is a work of fiction. I didn't pick up this book for a constant reminder. I picked it up to get lost in the mind of the Bat. To PRETEND he exists and explore his psyche. Had the whole book been written this way I never would have made it more than 50 pages. Thankfully Dr. Langley treats his readers much more intelligently than Mr. O' Neil.

From here Dr. Langley asks a question we spend the rest of the book analyzing: "Is Batman sane? Is Bruce Wayne crazy?" It's not a new question. It's been addressed in the comics, movies, animated series, and any other media Bruce is seen in. It's never been analyzed so thoughtfully and medically. Dr. Langley uses Batman's rogue gallery, family, and associates to get to the deepest part of who Bruce is...who Batman is The analytical way he does this, explaining his thought process along the way, makes it easy to follow even if you've never taken a psych class (although for the record I've taken 3). It feels like Dr. Langley is taking you on a journey with him. My only complaint is that the explanations of the mental illnesses discussed seemed long winded and text bookish at times, but because I've studied mental illness on my own for so long that could simply me me. Perhaps a reader with no knowledge would benefit from these explanations.

The book discusses all aspects of Bruce's life: his parents' murder, his father/son relationship with Alfred, becoming a father to his own sons, and even his romantic attachments. Bruce gives up so many aspects of a "normal" life in order to be productive as Batman. He uses "Bruce Wayne" as a cover and doesn't allow the outside world to ever see his true self. He fights a colorful array of foes that each have their own defects.

The the real world it would be next to impossible for a rich heir to have a duel identity (can you imagine Paris Hilton as Batgirl?). But it would also be impossible for Joker to be unknown in his true identity (a lesson James Holmes taught us). In the DCU almost everyone is two people. The question is why. Why didn't Bruce become a cop? Why work outside the law to uphold the law? Why the Bat? Why allow kids to risk their lives as sidekicks? All of these questions are answered by Dr. Langley. I never have read anything so well thought out in regards to a superhero.

I highly recommend this book to any fan looking to explore Bruce on a deeper level.

The only thing in this book I found myself disagreeing with was the idea that Bruce can't be married and be Batman. While I agree he couldn't marry a human, pre-New 52 DC showed some attraction between Karen Starr and Bruce. Karen, being Kryptonian, would have little to fear from Batman's foes and she, unlike, Clark and Kara, is very imperfect and is "broken" in her own right (I don't think either Bruce or Karen are truly broken but it isn't hard to see where they could be). Had it been explored further I truly feel Bruce and Karen could have had a very fulfilling marriage while continuing as Batman and Power Girl, but that's just me.

By the end of the book I felt much more comfortably RPing as Bruce. I feel I understand Bruce more as a hero, a father, a husband, and as a person. I'll never get inside Bruce's head the way I can with Steph and Kara because I simply don't relate to him on that level. I do feel I can understand him now and write him in a way that does him justice.

For his next book I'd like to see the psychology of Jason Todd. He was addressed in this book but he is so complex that I was simply left wanting more. Or maybe the psychology of Hal Jordan...that would be fun. And if that next book every comes count me as the first in line. Even if I've already read my book for the year.

Update on Love and 10 ways Didio has proved he's sexist

OK, so my last post was awhile ago and I commented on shutting out love. But I've recently learned this is not actually possible...at least for me. I've recently met a child that I adore and love without any rhyme or reason. For the purposes of this post I will refer to her as Kylie. Now, the first child I love led to hurt and a hole when I ultimately lost her, as is prone to happen when you're a teacher. Thus in loving Kylie I am aware more pain is coming, but I can't help it. The first time I saw this baby we clicked. I love this little girl like she was my own and I can't explain why. I know I swore I'd never love a child that wasn't mine like that again. With Kylie, try as I might, I can't help it. This little girl just stole my heart. I guess what I'm saying is in the end love finds you, not the other way around.

Now, enough on that. Let's get into something a little less emotional.

I want to take a moment and discuss all the ways Dan Didio is a sexist idiot...and there are many. Let's look at the ways he's shown it.

1) The very first time I was tipped off was his reaction to a question on Linda Danvers. A fan asked a question about her status (this was Pre-DCnU) and he blew it off as a joke. Now, while I found this disrespectful and rude I could have written it off had it been a one time thing. Perhaps he is simply a Kara fan?

2) Oh, but no...a friend of mine asked a question about Lian Harper at a con once and Didio's response was 'who?' as if Lian wasn't a huge part of the 'Rise of Arsenal'. No, he wanted to pretend Lian never existed. To this day I am shocked that he allowed Lian to exist in the Young Justice universe.

3) There was the whole 'Let's kill Steph...oh but let's make her a Robin first...ok now that she's dead she was never Robin' thing. Didio never liked Steph and having her as a Robin gave her some permanence he didn't want for that character.

4) Steph was finally brought back from the dead and made Batgirl. I, to this day, am convinced Didio only allowed this to happen for the sake of Steph failing then he could go 'see, she sucks'. I think this because he still likes to say that Steph didn't have a strong following and that her Batgirl book tanked, which if you look at the numbers and reviews is far from the case.

5) Barbara. Enough said really. I mean look, she was super smart and still able to fight from her damn wheelchair as Oracle. But a smart and strong woman? A redhead not in a tight suit? Didio no like. Must dumb down and stick a cowl on. Yes that's my Didio caveman impression. You like?

6) Dinah Lance vs Dinah Drake. Both are blonde Black Canaries so they must be interchangeable right? In Didio's world they are.

7) Kara had a ton of amazing characterization and growth...but let's toss all that rich history out and make her a little lost alien again. Yup, sounds good to Didio. And while we're at it let's give he a costume that attracts the most possible attention to her crotch. Cause that is all women are...tools for sex.

8) Look at all the strong females lost in DCnU: Steph, Cass Cain, Mia, Donna, Sasha, Kitrina, Charlotte, Lorena, and this list could go on.

9) Supergirls are interchangeable too so let's just knock out everything that made Karen Starr unique and make her a run of the mill Supergirl all growed up.

10) Harley Quinn (Kara/Ivy/insert female character) isn't sexy enough, let's sex up her costume...cause that's all women are good for.

And then there is the simple fact that Didio won't allow the commercialiation of females. Every time it's tried it's half assed because Didio doesn't want to see a heroine line that competes with princess lines. Because, you know, strong females.

Every female comic fan should bombard Didio with letters...waffles...whatever...let him know that sexist behavior is outdated and not ok. We are not all Bella Swans...we are strong, beautiful, and amazing...without looking like sex kittens.

"Don't You Try to Tell Me That Love is All you Need..."

The last couple of months have been a long and winding road that have lead me on a soul search. I’m certain I’m not done with this search yet, but it has led me thus far to the conclusion that love is a Catch-22.

Love makes life worth living. And when I say love I don’t mean romantic exclusively. I mean any love. Love of a child, love of a pet, love of family, love of a job, love of a hobby, and yes, romantic love too. That being said love gives us something to live for. I honestly believe the answer to the age old question ‘what is the meaning of life?’ is ‘Love’.

The problem with this is that with great love comes great pain. When you give your heart to something wholly and fully it leaves you open to immense pain that is bound to leave holes. I haven’t figured out yet how to feel these holes once they exist. The loss of a love…or someone or something you love…it colors your life. It shadows every happiness that comes after it.

That brings me to my next point, is love worth it? If love is the meaning of life then does that mean we’re destined to go through life acquiring more and more holes? Does that mean that we’re all doomed to pain or shadowed happiness? I suppose the answer is not to love, which is where I’m at now. Avoiding those close attachments. Avoiding loving anything too much. The problem here is that when you stop loving you also stop having a reason to carry on. At least that is the case with me.

By putting up walls and making it so that I don’t let any love in I also have effectively made myself little more than a shell of everything I was. Those holes of what I lost persist but now it’s a shell with holes. That sounds weird. Let me try to put that another way. In other words the happiness I feel is tempered. I feel like I’m going through the motions of life but under the smiles and bubbly exterior I show the world is a very deep emptiness.

If the answer is to love wholly again I’m not sure I can because I’m not sure I can go through more holes when I lose what I gave my love to. Then again without that whole love I don’t feel like life is worth living…thus the Catch-22.

I’m sure this journey is far from over. I still have self discovery to come to, of this I am sure. I am also sure the two biggest holes in me cannot be filled and will continue to haunt me for a very, very long time to come. That is to say that the moment I’m alone and not busy with work or chores I think about those who left those two holes. The pain is overwhelming sometimes.

I guess I don’t really know what the answer is, but I do know this…I’m discovering things about love, pain, and myself that I wish I never would have had to find out.

And so dear readers I leave you with this (which couldn't be more fitting if I wrote it myself...sorry for the foreign ads): "Bones and a Name"

New Blog

Check out my new political blog "The Vocal Middle"

Occupy: For the People or Against the People?

Post Moved: For political postings check out my new blow "The Vocal Middle".


This post may be found at http://vocalmiddle.blogspot.com/2012/03/occupy-for-people-or-against-people.html