A Tale of Three Familes...

I've never made a secret about the fact my dad isn't my dad through biology. If you listen to Jackalopes of Fire you've heard Chuck and I joke that I adopted him. In many ways this is quite true. It doesn't matter though, in the end I have an amazing mom and dad that I love very much and that love me. That is not what this is about.

What this is about is the other side of that. I know there were other people in another camp when I chose to accept my dad as my dad and ultimately change my last name. That is my biological father and his family.

I don't speak much of them, but I do think of them, contrary to popular belief. In an ideal world that family would be able to separate my relationship with my biological father and my relationship with them. This is not an ideal world. I have had a couple of people that have been amazing and respected my decision and continued to have relationships with me anyway. These are the people I know truly love me for me and they mean the world to me.

The vast majority now treat me like a virus, as if by cutting out my bio father I was betraying them. This was never intended.

The reasons I made my decision aren't important for the purpose of this blog. They aren't secret so I'm happy to discuss it with anyone that asks me personal, but they don't need to be aired publicly either. What is important is that it is not a decision I made lightly. It took many years to finally reach the point where I knew with absolute certainty I was doing the right thing. It was never meant to intentionally sever my relationship with the entire family. It was only intended to sever my relationship with him. The rest of the family made their choice to take it personally.

Now, this doesn't mean I don't love them. And that is the true point of this entry. Even if I'm not there I still love many members of my family very much. Sure, some have really come down hard on me and it has made me feel fine that ties were severed because who needs that kind of criticism and drama in their life? Still, many of them I think of often. I have uncles, aunts, and cousins I have amazing memories with and simply adore to this day. If one called me up and wanted to grab dinner I'd be there in a second. I miss them. My sister and my niece love so much and I while I might have to watch my niece grow up via facebook, I think of her often and love seeing what a beautiful little girl she has become. I have another sister that I hope someday to find some common ground with and stop the hatred she has for me.

I say all this because it needs to be said and I hope someone out there can relate and know I relate to them. It's nice to know you're not alone, especially in an unusual situation like adoption (or in my case 'adoption'). It's a difficult and unusual place to be, but in the end you have to know you have parents and family that do love you and know that anyone that truly loves you, family, friends, or otherwise, will be able to separate you from the relationship you hold with other and judge you based on who you are. If they can't then you're better off without them. Know who you are be the best person you can be. Put out good and give love. Above all, remain dignified. If someone tries to bait you into an argument just walk away. It's not worth it and you won't change anything, you'll just feed it.

With any hard decision in life you will have naysayers and people that criticize. Be sure of who you are and what you do and know in your heart that you've done what is best for you. If you can do that, it may hurt some, but you'll get through it. This goes for anything...my situation, failed friendships, bullying, etc...