Logical Randomness

Ok so I actually have been meaning to write again since my last post. Clearly I was in a bad place when I wrote that. It happens. I'm not perfect. For the record I'm beyond find now.

I think what really got me was the ex moving on with another girl. I don't love him anymore but the idea of him with someone else just kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I mean, I still care about the guy...of course I do...he was my first and, to date, only love. After everything we've been through over the last 12 years logic says I should hate his guts but I don't. I don't think I ever could truly hate him. He'll always have a piece of my heart.

That being said I'm ready to move on but moving on doesn't seem to want me. Rejection is never easy and it's really easy to get swept off in the intense emotions of a crush. Once I had time to think about it I figured out that it truly wasn't that big of a deal and I got over it. There will be a chance to move on at some point. I'll be ready when it comes.

So if you've been following the podcast you know I've been all kinds of fail at updating it on time. I truly am sorry and I am going to try to be better. Work has been insane and I've gotten myself involved in so many web projects that it's hard to find time to get everything done in the timely manner I would like to.

This weekend's podcast is going to a wonderful mix of randomness...more than normal. Seriously, we started recording with no planned topics and ended up with an hour long show. I don't really know how we pulled it off but I like how it turned out. I hope you'll tune in and listen.

I also want to take a moment to promote another blog, http://comicboxcommentary.blogspot.com/ , this is an AMAZING blog for keeping up on all things Supergirl. All the latest Supergirl news can be found there along with some pretty interesting reviews. I highly recommend it to all Supergirl fans. There is a lot of exciting Supergirl news right now as she becomes more and more mainstream. As a massive Kara fan I am thrilled to see this.

And I think that's gonna wrap it up for me today. Thanks for reading.

KTF,
Cilla

For the Record: Rejection Sucks

Hey girls, here's a tip...don't bother asking guys out...well...if you're cute and sexy then go for it. If you're like me and you're just an average girl don't bother.

I asked out this amazing guy...which was my first clue it was a bad idea. Seriously, this guy was beyond amazing. He was a lot like my 'ex', not gonna lie...but like better. It's like...he made me feel important in a way Mr. Squirrel Boy never did...he made me feel like I mattered...he was easy to talk to...I could hold a conversation with him that was fun and intellegent. He was everything I've looked for in a guy (he wasn't horrible to look at either). So after hanging out with him a couple of times I asked him out. Guess what? I got the 'let's just be friends' speech again. FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not sexy? Is it the blonde ditz thing? Is there some massive flaw in my personality I'm unaware of? Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with me?!

To make matters worse Mr. Squirrel Boy has a girlfriend now. Sigh. He can get a girlfriend but I can't get a boyfriend...what is wrong with this picture? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I was happy being single...I truly was. I had found a comfortable place before this guy came along (I wasn't even wanting to fall for anyone!). That being said, Aphrodite, hear my plea...don't make me smitten for ANY ONE ELSE! Please just leave me alone. Don't send some other great guy to sneak up on me. I can't take much more.

Fuck. Sigh.

I Am Me

So judging by the reactions I’ve gotten from various people lately I think it’s safe to say I’m a giant walking contradiction. Some people have said I always seem sad and upset while yet others have called me, and I quote, “a shining ray of light”. This is all very funny to me because I think of myself as a mostly cheerful person. OK, I’m human. I have my down moments. Yes I get depressed and sad and mopey…and maybe I have a really bad habit of only posting online when I’m in one of my sad/bad moods. Day to day though I really am closer to that ‘shining ray of light’…or at least I try to be. I really do feel life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I try hard to let most things roll off my back and not let them affect me…again though, I’m human and I have my moments when I just can’t help it, things get to me.

Now this may not be the best time to drone on about how happy go lucky I am considering I’m sitting in my bed right now with a stomach ache, but I’ve been meaning to write this post for like a week now and other stuff just keeps coming up. Mostly I’ve been trying to plow through my writer’s block. I’m about ready to kill Batman off in my fic just for lack of any other interesting ideas. Writer’s block is evil.

Oh, and for those that listened to our Father’s Day podcast, Chuck and I did in fact go home for the weekend. It was amazing to be in the Valley again and see the familiar sights, but it always is. There’s some places I usually go see that I didn’t feel the need to drive past this time, which is huge personal growth on my part and proof I’m letting the past go…even if I do still love the familiarity of the Valley as a whole. Aside from Chuck being his typical asshole self sometimes it was a pretty amazing weekend. (And yes, it’s ok if he reads this…I call him on his bullshit in person too, not just on the blog). Most importantly our dad had a great weekend which is what it was all about anyway…even if I did have to bite my tongue more than once with my dear brother to avoid a squabble.

One after effect of the weekend is exhaustion. I had to sleep on the floor, which I totally didn’t mind, but I didn’t sleep well either and I’m still trying to catch up on sleep. Exhaustion leads to some fucking weird dreams for the record. I’ve dreamt about everything from loosing teeth to a past love. It’s insane. As much as I love dreaming I’ll be glad when I’m rested and I have normal dreams again (well, normal for me…my dreams are always a little wonky). In fact I’m actually about to close my eyes here in a minute and see if sleep follows. I know it’s not even 4:30 yet but I am THAT tired.

Finally, if you’re up north and you’re complaining about your hot summers…shut the hell up. Come to Texas for a summer then talk to me. It’s fucking hot here…now I like summer much more than winter mind you…but it’s still fucking hot.

I think I lost my original point of this post…oh right…I’m a happy cheerful person in person…honestly. :)

KTF,
Cilla

Rants, Rambles, and the Future of JoF...

Pissed does not even begin to describe my mood today...I'm not going to be too terribly specific except to say that I tried to be an adult and handle the end of my friendship with someone else with dignity and grace. I went out of my way to be nice and I was civil and kind. I showed I still cared and even offered to be there for said ex-friend if she ever needed someone. Then she made the mistake of messing with my job and now she's an enemy. I have few enemies because I'm pretty easy going, but because it takes so much to push me that far...I'm not someone you want as an enemy.

As for everything else, it's been a rough week. I know those happen and it's all good...or it will be all good. i'm just thrilled this week is over. I'm thrilled to be recording a podcast this weekend (the podcast you'll be hearing next week. We already have this week's done). Hopefully the podcast is finally getting back on track. Once we get the podcast into a groove I'll move on to the next step of bettering JoF. It's hard to do everything I want at this point because it is a one woman project. Chuck and I actually just had this discussion...he freely admits he's voice talent and that's it. Without me there would be no JoF. I do everything else...the editing, the website, 1/2 the voice work, the planning, the promotion...it's all me. I'm not complaining really...I do enjoy doing it. I do wish I had someone to take some of the work sometimes though. It's not like I don't have enough to do with Uncharted Wind and Femmes de justice (my website and my LiveJournal). Someone needs to pay me for podcasting and all would be perfect.

That being said I am actually looking into...different avenues to take JoF. A lot of it is just in my head right now and may or may not come to fruision...and if it does it'll take time.

Right now my thoughts are completely all over the place. I'm angry, I'm tired, and quite frankly I feel like beating the shit out of someone which is an unfamiliar and uncomfortablt feeling to me (I'm normally pretty passive). In my desire to beat the shit out of someone I did do some boxing training (love the WiiFit) and stupid me decided beginner wasn't fast enough so I did the intermediate level...yeah, I managed to fuck up both my shoulders. It hurts to pick up the remote control now. Feels like muscle strain...can we say 'Icy Hot'? But it did make me feel better for a few minutes...but now I'm pissed again. I hate being this pissed...it pisses me off. Yes, I'm pissed that I'm pissed...how fucked up is that? I think I actually understand the rage of Jason Todd today (and if you get that comic reference give yourself 15 points).

Next time on JoF: TV show comic adaptations. This one gets interesting. Tune in to www.jackalopesoffire.com on Saturday to listen for yourself.

Anyway, I'm done with my ranting and rambling for today. I'm sorry, for my unguided train of thought today...like I said, long week. Until next time...

KTF,
Cilla

¡Cogida Aruba, Viva Perú!

That subject is a rough translation...thank you Babel Fish...anyway...moving on...

So I'm tapped out on creativity. It's annoying as fuck. Then again it's my own damn fault...kinda. The fact I'm not feeling well isn't helping. I'm weak and...mostly just weak. Anyway, it's my fault because I've been writing like a mad woman all week (if you have seen my LiveJournal then you know this). I'm still seeing the characters doing stuff in my head...it's just in short bursts instead of full scenes, which is even more annoying. Right now I'm on a Stephanie Brown/Jason Todd kick (don't worry if you don't get that, it's a comic thing).

Speaking of comics, tomorrow's podcast is about comics...specifically movie adapations of comics. This is an episode I spent a couple of weeks planning, which is probably why it ran a bit longer than I'd hoped. It's ok, I think there's some great discussion (and some fine humor) so it's well worth the listen.

In other news, Joran Van der Sloot. Name ring a bell? Yeah. The dude that killed Natalee Holloway, the Alabama teen that vanished in Aruba 5 years ago. If you don't know that story you've been living under a rock and need to learn the wonders of Google. Now, I'll discuss this on the podcast in a couple of weeks (next week's episode is already recorded) but I want to address this anyway. Van der Sloot was already on the hook with the US feds for extorsion but in Peru he killed another girl, Stephany Flores. She was killed 5 years to the day that Natalee vanished (was killed IMO). You know what? Aruba, this is your fucking fault! Seriously! OK, yes, Joran did it, but Joran wouldn't have been on the streets a free man if Aruba had done it's job instead of covering for him. He killed once and got away with it, of course he killed again! No brainer! The difference is this time he didn't killed a foreign girl in his country...oh no...he was a foreigner that killed a girl in her country. Idiot. Not only that, Stephany's father is a very well respected man in Peru. He's a respected politician and race care driver and such. Joran is gonna fry this time. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. He isn't elegible for the death penalty under Peruvian law...but based on what I saw on the news today that isn't going to stop anyone. The police had a bullet proof vest on him and had to form a permeter around the police station to keep the angry mobs from killing Joran. Personally I say let the mobs have at him. He showed no mercy for Natalee or Stephany, why should he be shown any mercy? All I can say is at least justice will finally be served, even if it's not for Natalee he will pay. It's just a shame another woman had to die to get here. Fuck Aruba! Viva Peru!

Yes, I can rant as long windedly as Chuck when I have something to rant about and something about innocent women dying at the hands of a sociopathic idiot just gets under my skin, call me crazy.

Anyway, that's it for now. Thanks for reading and check out the all new episode of JoF tomorrow!

KTF,
Cilla

Heaven, Hell, and Shrek

Do you remember the horrid Fanta commericals from a few years back with the...::gulp:: Fantanas? Yeah, I tried to purge them from my mind too. If we could retcon real life I would have so retconned them. Well guess what, they're back! the horror!

So I went to see Shrek 4 this weekend (more on that in a second) and sure enough there was a Fanta commerical. And then the real horror...they've 'reunited' to look for a new forth Fantana. This means...dun dun dun...they're back! Come on Fanta, those Fantana commerical were eye gougingly bad and mind numbingly annoying the first time around. Do we really need to go there again? Seriously, there's not many ad campaigns I hate with a passion. Sure some are lame or stupid or kinda irk me...I hate the fucking Fantanas. I can't even tell you how much. Come on America, boycott Fanta until the Fantanas are back where they belong...happily reconned (or at least forgotten).

Now then, Sherk 4...I was psyched because it's in 3D and I love Shrek, but I was worried because Shrek 3 was kinda eh. I was happily surprised that 4 was way better. I had so much fun watching it. I love the independent warrior princess Fiona and supersized puss out of boots. I love the overall story and the twist to the Rumpelstiltskin story. I love the happy ending. I love the lesson of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". I just love it. Awesome movie and I recommend every Shrek fan rush out to see this movie in theaters so you can see it in 3D. It was amazing.

Finally I want to praise the video game gods for bestowing upon me the WiiFit. Oh great balance board of wonder that makes working out oh so much fun. I have lost a fair amount of weight in a short amount of time so far. With the glory of the WiiFit I may actually be my cute sexy self again soon. With any luck I'll be a real life Stephanie Brown in no time! All hail the WiiFit!

Until next time...

KTF,
Cilla

PS: I have some comic reviews and a ton of stories up on my livejournal. Check it out!

The Awesome Blog!

Ok, so this shouldn't be long. I just wrote some uber long comic reviews for my LiveJournal so I think I'm tired. I mainly wanted to remind everyone to run over to JackalopesofFire.com and check out this week's cast. Great stuff as always.

So, my long weekend if off to a great start. I had a GREAT day today. New comics, new clothes (that fit me right and in a smaller size, go WiiFit!), and new jewelry. I love spending time with my mommy. She's the best. :)

One of the shirts I got today is the really sexy off the shoulder shirt that is so unlike what I'd typically wear but it's so cute and it actually fit me. If I keep going the way I'm going I'll be able to fit in the other sexy clothes again soon. Look out guys and gals of Austin...I'm coming soon.

LOL, it's so good being me right now. My confidence is just way up there and life is generally good...not perfect, just good...which is actually better than perfect. Perfect never lasts. Perfect always falls apart sooner rather than later. Good can last for awhile before it goes south...and yes it will go south...that's just the nature of life...ups and downs and all. Right now it's good though and I'm going to enjoy it because I've earned it. I've earned my current happiness. It's my happiness to bask in.

For the first time in...well maybe ever I feel like a 'normal' girl. Well, as normal as a comic book geek, somewhat naive, and somewhat issue ridden girl can be. LOL, I guess I'm just so comfortable in my own skin right now that I just don't feel like a freak, which is a nice change of pace for me. I'm awesome!

So, I could continue to ramble on about my complete awesomeness for awhile, but I have a story I'd like to work on befor bed so I'm gonna say adios for now. Take care you awesome people you!

KTF,
Cilla