2014 Resolutions!

Another year has gone by and it's once again time to make those new year's resolutions! But first, let's review this year's and see how I did...

~Get in shape before 2013 Comic Con. I dunno what I wanna cosplay yet, but I know I don't want my weight to dictate it again.

Considering I lost over 50 lbs I will finally call this one a success! Yes, it is because I had to but the specifics don't matter. Yes weight dictated my Comic Con costume but I looked damn good in it so I'm not gonna fret. We all gotta start somewhere.

~Chip into my own debt

I did this, not as much as I wanted, but I did. Baby steps. Mild success.

~Focus on my health, mental and physical, and better myself

Can we call this a success? I mean I did all this, but it wasn't until my health was screwy with liver disease.

~Do all I can to continue to make JoF the bigger and bigger

Consider I got us a panel at frickin Austin Comic Con I'll call this a success. We're still growing but that's ok. I took a damn big step.

And now for my 2014 resolutions:

~ Continue to lose weight. Get to a point I can wear whatever I want to comic con and in life without worrying about 'dressing for size'. (Dressing for body type is different).

~Continue to do things to involve myself in the comic fandom and gain JoF exposure along the way.

~Do even more to chip into debt.

~Do all I can to be a good, happy, and friendly person all year round.

~Have a killer 30th birthday party

~Become more social

And there we have it. Let's see how I do...

What Women Want (And Don't Want)

Unless you've been living under a rock (or are from my father's generation) you know what Kickstarter is. If you've been following the news you may have even heard the name Ken Hoinsky in relation to it. If not, quick recap...

Mr. Hoinsky put up a Kickstarter to fund a book titled "Above the Game: A Guide to Getting Awesome with Women". As a woman I have issues with that title in and of itself, but it pales in comparison to the controversy that followed.

This book is said to ultimately be a collection of material Mr. Hoinsky had posted on Reddit along with some new material. The scary part about this is the material that was taken off Reddit (Mr. Hoinsky has since deleted the questionable material but it has been archived by several sources).

Read this except and tell me it doesn't give you chills:

”5) Get CLOSE to her, damn it!
To quote Rob Judge, “Personal space is for pussies.” I already told you that the most successful seducers are those who can’t keep their hands off of women. Well you’re not gonna be able to do that if you aren’t in close! ”
“All the greatest seducers in history could not keep their hands off of women. They aggressively escalated physically with every woman they were flirting with. They began touching them immediately, kept great body language and eye contact, and were shameless in their physicality. Even when a girl rejects your advances, she KNOWS that you desire her. That’s hot. It arouses her physically and psychologically.”

“Decide that you’re going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don’t ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances.”
“Sex
Pull out your cock and put her hand on it. Remember, she is letting you do this because you have established yourself as a LEADER. Don’t ask for permission, GRAB HER HAND, and put it right on your dick.”

(Thanks to Casey Malone for archiving this and getting the discussion started.)

Now, if that didn't give you chills...or at least pause, then it's time for you to sit and reflect in a serious way about your principles.

There are so many things wrong with that except from a female...nay...human perspective I don't even know where to start.

First of all, I am huge on my personal space...especially with someone I'm just getting to know. If we're on a date and you start closing in on my personal space uninvited I can almost assure you there will not be another date. It's enough to make a comment such as "you look nice tonight" or even the bolder "you're looking sexy". That lets her know you're into her and give her a chance to invite your advances. And if a guy I was with ever just pulled out his cock and put my hand on it uninvited I would pull away ask him what the hell he was thinking and that would be the end of the date. I would be calling a cab to get out of there. If he tried to stop me I promise you cops would be involved for sexual assault.

I know from experience I don't like this behavior. A guy I have been with in the past (who will remain nameless) didn't do this exact thing, but it was similar. Along the same lines. Now then, let me be clear, this is a guy I've known for years and even consider myself to love dearly. Even with those two factors in mind I did not like these forced advances and put an end to them quite quickly. Have we had sex in the past? Yes. But never when he tried to advance it in this way.

And now, men, here is the true secret to winning a woman over...

Let her know you want her, yes...make her feel desired. You do this with words. Preferably honest words. Half the time we question ourselves so much that it's nice to be reassured. Humans are insecure creatures and given societal expectations of women we have it worst of all. Tell the woman you're with that she is beautiful and sexy. Be straight forward in telling her what you like about her. Is it her eyes, her legs, her figure, her hair? Be specific. If things are going well it's doesn't hurt to flat out say you want her. Words are a huge turn on. From my experience men seem to be able to hop into enjoyable sex as if there's a switch that is flipped. Women need time to build the desire. Words get her mind in that mindset to proceed. If she is interested at this point she'll make it clear. Then, and only then should you start slow. Kiss her, caress her sides, continue telling her how sexy she is. She'll advance things with you. You don't have to do all the work here. Sex should be a mutual activity and it will be if you ease her into it.

I should take a moment here to also say if you're a guy and you only want sex, don't expect to end up with a long term mate of any value. Anyone that just wants sex and nothing deeper...well if you start to date this girl and she cheats on you for better sex, you have no one to blame but yourself. A relationship built on sex and seduction is doomed to fail (if it doesn't it's because something deeper formed out of it). And I will say, the second I get the feeling a guy just wants sex out of me and nothing more, he gets his walking papers and likely never hears from me again. Because, and here is a biggie, women like to feel like more than sex toys! We're not bed warmers...or cock warmers. We're actually people with feelings, thoughts, and opinions and we want to be your friend. Sure, we want to have sex too...but it's such a turn off to feel like little more than a living cock toy.

Now, Mr. Hoinsky claims to be quite good with the ladies. Does this mean he is in a meaningful, long term relationship? Or just that he gets laid a lot? I realize it's a matter of desire here. Some might just want to be laid. I, for one, am fine with a friends with benefits set up (emphasis on the 'friends' part of that). The problem here is the seduction aspect. Mr. Hoinsky touts being a master seducer. He then turns around and notes "You understand to your core that her heart will be broken if she ever feels manipulated by you". Note how he doesn't say 'Don't manipulate her'. Just that it will hurt her if she ever FEELS manipulated. Perhaps this is bad wording. Perhaps he said exactly what he meant. Either way it's bad advice.

Mr. Hoinsky did issue a lengthy statement to Forbes.com (which can be read here). It's a long statement and I find it to be talking around the main issues and not addressing the primary concerns. Beyond that Mr. Hoinsky is a self proclaimed seducer and appears to be quite good with manipulation too. Given the statement and the way it is presented I find it hard to buy it.

I would like to note I did send Mr. Hoinsky a message requesting an interview for JoF TV to set the record straight and get his side of the story in his words. I was perfectly willing to have this discussion with him and withhold judgment. His reply to my request: "Thank you for your feedback."

If he is reading this the invitation stands and remains so. You know how to reach me. If you change your mind about appearing on JoF TV, please, let me know and we'll set it up for you to tell your story.

Barring that, based on the facts I do have, I have only this left to say...men, regardless of your ultimate mission with women, treat us with respect, kindness, affection, and like humans and you will always get further than by being a forceful, misogynist pig.

A Tale of Three Familes...

I've never made a secret about the fact my dad isn't my dad through biology. If you listen to Jackalopes of Fire you've heard Chuck and I joke that I adopted him. In many ways this is quite true. It doesn't matter though, in the end I have an amazing mom and dad that I love very much and that love me. That is not what this is about.

What this is about is the other side of that. I know there were other people in another camp when I chose to accept my dad as my dad and ultimately change my last name. That is my biological father and his family.

I don't speak much of them, but I do think of them, contrary to popular belief. In an ideal world that family would be able to separate my relationship with my biological father and my relationship with them. This is not an ideal world. I have had a couple of people that have been amazing and respected my decision and continued to have relationships with me anyway. These are the people I know truly love me for me and they mean the world to me.

The vast majority now treat me like a virus, as if by cutting out my bio father I was betraying them. This was never intended.

The reasons I made my decision aren't important for the purpose of this blog. They aren't secret so I'm happy to discuss it with anyone that asks me personal, but they don't need to be aired publicly either. What is important is that it is not a decision I made lightly. It took many years to finally reach the point where I knew with absolute certainty I was doing the right thing. It was never meant to intentionally sever my relationship with the entire family. It was only intended to sever my relationship with him. The rest of the family made their choice to take it personally.

Now, this doesn't mean I don't love them. And that is the true point of this entry. Even if I'm not there I still love many members of my family very much. Sure, some have really come down hard on me and it has made me feel fine that ties were severed because who needs that kind of criticism and drama in their life? Still, many of them I think of often. I have uncles, aunts, and cousins I have amazing memories with and simply adore to this day. If one called me up and wanted to grab dinner I'd be there in a second. I miss them. My sister and my niece love so much and I while I might have to watch my niece grow up via facebook, I think of her often and love seeing what a beautiful little girl she has become. I have another sister that I hope someday to find some common ground with and stop the hatred she has for me.

I say all this because it needs to be said and I hope someone out there can relate and know I relate to them. It's nice to know you're not alone, especially in an unusual situation like adoption (or in my case 'adoption'). It's a difficult and unusual place to be, but in the end you have to know you have parents and family that do love you and know that anyone that truly loves you, family, friends, or otherwise, will be able to separate you from the relationship you hold with other and judge you based on who you are. If they can't then you're better off without them. Know who you are be the best person you can be. Put out good and give love. Above all, remain dignified. If someone tries to bait you into an argument just walk away. It's not worth it and you won't change anything, you'll just feed it.

With any hard decision in life you will have naysayers and people that criticize. Be sure of who you are and what you do and know in your heart that you've done what is best for you. If you can do that, it may hurt some, but you'll get through it. This goes for anything...my situation, failed friendships, bullying, etc...

Listen to Jackalopes of Fire

If you haven't yet, do yourself a favor and go listen to my podcast at www.jackalopesoffire.com! You won't be sorry!

Matt Bomer for Dick Grayson

If you know anything about me you know I'm a massive Matt Bomer fan and I've been campaigning for years to see Matt Bomer play Dick Grayson/Nightwing in some capacity. That all said you might think the news that Bomer is voicing Clark/Superman would be thrilling to me.

You're be wrong.

But Cilla, you're a Bomer fan, you should be thrilled that he's doing a comic movie.

No, I shouldn't be. I specifically want to see him as Dick and this marks the third time he's been tied to Clark. He was originally considered for "Superman Returns" prior to Brandon Routh. He did play Clark in a Japanese car commercial that has since gone viral on YouTube. Now this. He is going to get so tied to Clark that all the idiot fan boys won't be able to see him as Dick thus he'd never be considered for the role.

Will I watch this new movie? Yes, I'm a Bomer fan and I'll support whatever he does. Hell, I even sat through a whole episode of Glee because he was in it...fucking Glee people! So yes, I'll watch it. Will I complain at every chance and probably campaign harder for him to play Dick? You betcha. I blame Andrea Romano for this. She does all the voice casting. Dear Andrea Romano, next time you need a voice for Dick use Bomer. Just saying.

That said, next time you are bored and feel like tweeting something for the greater good simply tweet #MattBomerforDickGrayson. Together we can make it trending and get through to DC. Matt Bomer was born to play Grayson and this needs to happen.

Why I Don't Need a Man...

Why is it that people think a woman needs a man in order to be happy? I can't count the number of times I've said I was single and got sympathy in response. Why? Personally I feel sympathy when someone is in a relationship, but that's me.

Personally I truly enjoy being single. I don't have any relationship drama, I have no one to answer to, I have no one to bitch at me about not spending enough time with him, my time outside work is my own. I love that.

I mention all this because it happened again yesterday. A co-worker asked me if I had a boyfriend and when I said no she asked if I was talking to anyone. When I said no again she was sympathetic. When I explained it was by choice and I didn't want a relationship she acted as if I was full of it and was trying to convince myself of this because I was alone.

Why is it so damn hard to believe a woman can have a fulfilling and satisfying life without a man? Honestly, why do I need a man? Sex? Warmth on cold nights? A dildo and an electric blanket do the same with less hassle.

Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying I would never be in a relationship if one happened to happen. I'm just saying I'm happy without a guy and I don't need one. It doesn't matter if a relationship comes along or not. I'm happy with my life either way. I don't feel I'm lacking something by not having another person by my side. I find it offensive people act like I'm an incomplete person because I don't have a mate.

Newsflash, I am a complete person and if I find another complete person to share my life with then that is fine. If not I will be complete regardless. Why is this such a fucking hard concept to grasp?

You women out there that think you need a man and aren't happy if you're single are weak, pathetic, and frankly an embarrassment to the female gender as a whole. You are the reason men think they can treat us like shit and we'll come back for more...because you do! You women are the ones with the problem. Not me. Find out who you are, be single, be happy with your life, then find a mate if you want. Otherwise you're just a shell of a person without your own identity and you're a pathetic excuse for a woman.